The "Intangibles"

I have heard the saying many times before, more so as a child, "when you play with fire you will get burned".

Have you ever taken the time to examine something that has been burned? Today I took a long wooden match, lit it and watched it burn. When it was about to go out I relit it and watched it burn right down to the very end. I noticed that the whole texture of the match stick had changed. It was fragile to the touch, charred; its straight body was now curved. The heat of the flame literally transformed this stick into something unrecognizable. Pause. I thought for a second. Isn’t it interesting that after a bad break people often say “ I got burned” or “ she burned me”, or coined by Usher, himself “let it burn”.

By now the wheels in my head are beginning to turn. Few things on my mind. What about break ups makes them so bad? Why as women do we always end up feeling like we’ve lost something? And, how similar are break-ups really to being burned?
“Give me back what I gave to you—my heart, my love, my intimacy. It’s a break up, and I want everything back!”

Don’t you wish it were that easy? You will never be able to get back what I will call here, the “intangibles” of a relationship. If you’ve ever felt like something was owed to you, after a bad break up? It’s because there was. But that something can never be returned. It is what I call the “intangibles”, your love, your affection, your intimacy. Your intimacy is God’s gift to you. It becomes the most valuable source of your being, and the most important thing you can share with a man.

Haven’t you ever wonder why after an intimate experience, you begin to feel emotional anxiety? You find yourself asking questions like, “does he really like me?” or “will he call me the next day?” You overanalyze everything because you realize at that point you have lost your most valuable player. For every wrong person you’ve shared an intimate experience with, you have lost a part of you; a little piece of you stolen. Now think about every wrong person there has been. Think also about your feelings toward that person now. How many unworthy men are walking around with a piece of you? If breaking up wasn’t bad enough, now they have the most important thing you hold—your love.

You can pretend like it didn’t hurt, but it did. Now you wish you could sue or something, because you realize he was undeserving, but you can’t. You might pick up the phone, yell and scream a few times, but it’s gone. He took it, like it belonged to him, and in the end you made him feel like it did. So is he really the thief? Take responsibility for your own actions, and try not to get caught up too fast.
Never give up what you cannot afford to lose. Get to know the person before you make a decision that you may live to regret, and most importantly test his spirit.

Let him know from the jump intimacy is not an option. If his face turns pale or he suddenly needs to use the bathroom, he is not the one. Believe it or not, there are still men out there willing to wait. The question is do you believe you are worth it?
If it hurts to walk away it probably means you have given too much of yourself too soon, and got burned.
In the end, you did get burned. I know this because you don’t look the same or even feel the same. Your texture has changed. You are weak and easily broken. Fragile to the touch, once straight, you are now bent. The heat of the moment totally transformed you, and now you are unrecognizable, but thankfully unlike any match stick your charred state is temporary.

This is your time for healing. You are worth more than gold, ask God to restore your broken spirit, and wait upon Him as He begins a new work in you.