Stole your Heart like a Crook

Aiight so... everytime I post a blog.. one of my homeboys, not mentioning any names , messages me ' men problems, huh'. I think if the sum of all my thoughts amounts to problems, then you've missed the point. I don't babysit the idiosyncrasies of the male ego, I write about them!

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Now, my girl and I were talking about this last night. I call it the "head fake". Ladies, many of us have already experienced this, but hardly know how to digest it. The head fake can be described as the early stages of a relationship, let's call it the getting to know stage, where the guy pulls out all the stops to get the girl. All his body language says he's "in it to win it". Some examples may be buying her gifts, unexpected visits, spontaneous dates and constant communication.

I mean any girl at this point, would be giggling, maybe even whispering to her girlfriends about this unconventional prospect. Then all of sudden....[without any forewarning] dude goes cold turkey.. I mean a complete 180.... Okay, I'm exaggerating a little, but you know.. you begin to notice a change in his behavior. No longer as attentive as he used to be, and it makes you wonder-- did I do something wrong?!

Ladies, if you have ever experienced this...you've just been head faked! He made yah look. Acted like he was heading in your direction, like that small forward going up for the lay up.. and mid air he pulled up! You, his defender goes up preparing for the block but instead of laying it in, he pauses, waits til the defender, (you) goes down, and lays it in ever so gently!!! OHHHHHH!!! Too painful to look..

It happened so fast you didn't even have time to catch yourself.SMH

The worst of it all is when he pretends that he wasn't even looking in your direction to begin with. Hello! You didn't arrive at the conclusion he liked you on your own, but that's all part of the game. Yup. Stole your heart like a crook.

So what do I think?

On a serious note, everyone is entitled to have a change of heart; reasons for which you may not even have to disclose.
You interested in another girl? Fine. What is not fine is when you make her feel like she did something wrong.

Thoughtlessly I want to tell you to be a "man", but alot of us dont even know what that really means. Society dictates what a "man" should be, and how he should respond. Therefore we only come to know what a man should be through another's interpretation and social constructs of gender.

What I will say to you however is.. be conscious of your humanity and be awakened to your responsibility as a person to acknowledge and respond to the feelings of others, not because its something you should know how to do, but because you have feelings too. We all know what it is like to have our heart broken. Forget about the boy meets girl heart break. Let's talk about our first encounter with heartbreak i.e rejection.

Many of us experienced our first broken heart, through the form of rejection from the persons who we are told should have been there to protect us.Our parents. How do you reconcile the heart break of a child who never had a father, or in my case a mother?

Black men told to be MEN, just because. Boys told not to cry. Women expected to take on domestic duties.

How do you just learn to become something that you've never had? That's for another blog.. All I'm saying is, to my Brothas I see your heart break. I understand that in this society you have no recourse to address those past hurts and pains.There is no safe place to let it all out, without your masculinty being called into question. Being male doesn't make your pain any less painful or easier to deal with. But we all get hurt. My friend Jor used to always say "hurt people, hurt people".

Even with your inability to navigate through your own feeling, this doesn't mean its okay for you to recycle your hurt by hurting others.

You owe that lady enough to at least tell her your feelings have changed. Let her know. What's the worse that can happen? Of course she will be hurt, but she will appreciate your willingness to be honest, rather than deposit her on the side, and act like nothing happened. At least keep her informed. Send her a memo.. something!

Vulnerability is only a weakness when you are not awakened to your human consciousness. In every other instance, vulnerability is a strength, it is those who take advantage of your vulnerability that are weak.

I said all that to say, Ladies take a look at the big picture, and watch out for those head fakes! Men, don't use past hurts as an excuse to cause more hurt.Be accountable for your actions. Objective; Love like you've never been hurt. #brandnewlove
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#0.02

NDG