Happy.....Happy......

OOOPPSS.. I forgot! Shout outs to my girl LJ on her bday... We've been family since grade nine.. and I've loved you ever since! Thank you for always being too hard on me. You keep me sane in a crazy world.


To my nephew, Thornell who turned 17 today... I love you... My prayer for you is to challenge yourself to be more in world that forces young black men to be less.
You shine brighter than you think, make the world better by living your purpose.
You already made it.


To my cousins in Baltimore living like the Huxtables HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!
I look up to you guys so much! Cheers to a beautiful, power couple!



And to the lady I write in memory of...RIP Jordhanna.. I love you...

I call it...Life Cleaning! Say NO to CLUTTER...

This week!?? Wild....

I did a clean sweep on my bbm.... was told by a dude in a wheelchair, and I quote, "if I was a tall, skinny black guy we would have gone out for drinks by now", and made a final decision to let a homie/lover/friend kick rocks.


I mean there were minor run-ins which I guess could be mentioned briefly, such as the run in with an acquaintance at a friend's wedding. I purposely acted like I didn't see him,but he still had to come over and say "hi" Are you kidding ? I guess I was suppose to forget that you asked me to hang out, few weeks back only to see you today hand in hand with your girl. Am I ever glad I decided not to got out to that movie... #swimgood

This week was a highly emo-week. I had to delete some people off bbm. For whatever reason I was suddenly tired of babysitting the b**@$%#. I mean I had some people on bbm whose mannerisms with exception of one, were outright inappropriate. I'm even surprised they lasted as long as they did. Either way after yesterday I solemnly declared I would dare to be more assertive and stop caring so much about hurting feelings, when if these same people actually had feelings, they would think about the consequences of their actions, and stop over thinking with their pee wees.

Next. so a guy approaches me after a networking event, he is in a wheel chair.Cool Introduces himself. As do I. Fine. Asks for my business card. I have no more. He says, "okay lets do this modern, you on bbm? "I am", I reply, and before I know it I'm scanning this dude on to my phone for business purposes?! uhhhh I think not. The general gist of the convo to follow was him getting a bit more comfortable then I would have liked. With obvious urban influence, he quickly began referring to me as "Ma" and saying my pics on bbm were and I quote, "sexy". Okay? Pause. After days of much contemplation I decide to tell him how I really feel. I say, "I'm okay being friends with you, but I do find your sexy comments inappropriate. We have just met and for the sake of repoire building, your comments are disturbing. Hoping he would understand. The guy responds, "I'm sure if I was an able-bodied tall black guy you wouldn't have found it inappropriate". Needless to say, he was not black...

Wowzers.. I am perplexed at this point! Where in the world did that even come from? Did I ever disclose an ethnic preference? Since when does my ethnicity predetermine the type of men I date. Rather presumptious? I think so! Because I am black, I guess it is assumed that I date only black men!? I was surprised that he was even coming at me in this way. I genuinely thought he was a nice guy, I applauded his charisma, and may have even considered hanging out on a platonic basis. Really, he was just not the type of guy I would date, but him being in a wheelchair had nothing to do with it. Having some sort of disability does not provide an automatic friend pass, and yes it means I won't bring myself and my sexy friend to party with you sometime.

And if its a question of being shallow, and discriminative, surely you would have never arrived on my bbm to begin with... But I realized the bigger picture. This guy probably played up on his disability to get girls, and I found myself being cleverly sucked into feeling apologetic for my unwillingness to excuse comments I felt were inappropriate. AND...it got worse. After I had addressed my feelings he went on in a later convo to ask if I wore 10'inch stripper heels?!? Fortunately for he, he came to a timely end.

On to the next. Okay..(this one hurt a bit)..Is it wrong to return a gift to someone you are no longer talking to in that way? Ha! (I'm a SCORPIO lest you forget)... Why would you think I would keep something, that you bought for me, if your feelings have suddenly changed. I mean of course it all depends on what it is, but... In this case, I wrapped it up nicely, and kindly returned to sender. He should be happy, now he can hand it off to the next girl like nothing ever happened. Rude? A bit. But I'd rather return it, than look at it regrettably each day, cursing your name. As far as I am concerned it is simple. If we're no longer in a state of affair, what better way for us end this sweet chapter, than for me to return to you, what you generously gave to me in your "season of infatuation".

Sorry I didn't ring the doorbell. Hope you didn't trip over it on your way out....


xoxo

NicDeeGEE.

Stole your Heart like a Crook

Aiight so... everytime I post a blog.. one of my homeboys, not mentioning any names , messages me ' men problems, huh'. I think if the sum of all my thoughts amounts to problems, then you've missed the point. I don't babysit the idiosyncrasies of the male ego, I write about them!

.

Now, my girl and I were talking about this last night. I call it the "head fake". Ladies, many of us have already experienced this, but hardly know how to digest it. The head fake can be described as the early stages of a relationship, let's call it the getting to know stage, where the guy pulls out all the stops to get the girl. All his body language says he's "in it to win it". Some examples may be buying her gifts, unexpected visits, spontaneous dates and constant communication.

I mean any girl at this point, would be giggling, maybe even whispering to her girlfriends about this unconventional prospect. Then all of sudden....[without any forewarning] dude goes cold turkey.. I mean a complete 180.... Okay, I'm exaggerating a little, but you know.. you begin to notice a change in his behavior. No longer as attentive as he used to be, and it makes you wonder-- did I do something wrong?!

Ladies, if you have ever experienced this...you've just been head faked! He made yah look. Acted like he was heading in your direction, like that small forward going up for the lay up.. and mid air he pulled up! You, his defender goes up preparing for the block but instead of laying it in, he pauses, waits til the defender, (you) goes down, and lays it in ever so gently!!! OHHHHHH!!! Too painful to look..

It happened so fast you didn't even have time to catch yourself.SMH

The worst of it all is when he pretends that he wasn't even looking in your direction to begin with. Hello! You didn't arrive at the conclusion he liked you on your own, but that's all part of the game. Yup. Stole your heart like a crook.

So what do I think?

On a serious note, everyone is entitled to have a change of heart; reasons for which you may not even have to disclose.
You interested in another girl? Fine. What is not fine is when you make her feel like she did something wrong.

Thoughtlessly I want to tell you to be a "man", but alot of us dont even know what that really means. Society dictates what a "man" should be, and how he should respond. Therefore we only come to know what a man should be through another's interpretation and social constructs of gender.

What I will say to you however is.. be conscious of your humanity and be awakened to your responsibility as a person to acknowledge and respond to the feelings of others, not because its something you should know how to do, but because you have feelings too. We all know what it is like to have our heart broken. Forget about the boy meets girl heart break. Let's talk about our first encounter with heartbreak i.e rejection.

Many of us experienced our first broken heart, through the form of rejection from the persons who we are told should have been there to protect us.Our parents. How do you reconcile the heart break of a child who never had a father, or in my case a mother?

Black men told to be MEN, just because. Boys told not to cry. Women expected to take on domestic duties.

How do you just learn to become something that you've never had? That's for another blog.. All I'm saying is, to my Brothas I see your heart break. I understand that in this society you have no recourse to address those past hurts and pains.There is no safe place to let it all out, without your masculinty being called into question. Being male doesn't make your pain any less painful or easier to deal with. But we all get hurt. My friend Jor used to always say "hurt people, hurt people".

Even with your inability to navigate through your own feeling, this doesn't mean its okay for you to recycle your hurt by hurting others.

You owe that lady enough to at least tell her your feelings have changed. Let her know. What's the worse that can happen? Of course she will be hurt, but she will appreciate your willingness to be honest, rather than deposit her on the side, and act like nothing happened. At least keep her informed. Send her a memo.. something!

Vulnerability is only a weakness when you are not awakened to your human consciousness. In every other instance, vulnerability is a strength, it is those who take advantage of your vulnerability that are weak.

I said all that to say, Ladies take a look at the big picture, and watch out for those head fakes! Men, don't use past hurts as an excuse to cause more hurt.Be accountable for your actions. Objective; Love like you've never been hurt. #brandnewlove
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#0.02

NDG